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About Deviant RayneFemale/United States Recent Activity
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visual-zombie
Rayne
United States
I know I moved. But I'm still rather attached to this side of the world.

Anyway...
Somethings happened and something is happening.
And it feels amazing.

I've found truer allies in those who were once questionable snake oil hawkers in my paranoid mind. Made amends, made some shocking discoveries and even more shocking revelations. Growing up has been easier with the help of those who have grown up in a beautiful way, and I never would have given it second thought had I not had a massive ton of bricks shat on me by a bitter almond. Sometimes angry deaths bring happy blessings.

"There is a time to stop reading, there is a time to STOP trying to WRITE, there is a time to kick the whole bloated sensation of ART out on its whore-ass."
I have nothing to show here or anywhere as far as art goes. Not because I don't have anything made, but because I love my art now. It makes me happy. So I don't try too hard anymore. I do it the way I want, when I want, what ever I want, and if someone wants to critique that's fine. I take it and use it. But it's not the back breaking experience it used to be. And I feel free.

I found that I am fairly good at a different kind of art. My dance teacher, back in October, invited me to the Intermediate class. I was thrilled. Thought I had a few more years to go before she invited me into the troupe, kind of a mini-dream of mine.
However, four months later, she invited me to be a part of the troupe. So now I am a member of the Bedouin Dancers, and I still feel like I shouldn't be there, like I have no idea what I'm doing.

But having someone who saw me, saw something in me, and liked what I had to give enough to have me be a part of THEIR work - their ultimate brain child - is the most wonderful thing I have ever...ever. Just ever. The other ladies in the troupe are incredibly helpful and encouraging and they are mothers and sisters and great friends to me.
Plus, learning how to dance with a sword atop my head has been an awesome bonus to say the least. It really is a dream come true, and now I move on towards making those dreams bigger and better.

I'll have my first solo this coming October. I have my music picked out. I have an original costume in the works. I have around 15 other dances memorized or near memorized. I've been busy.

I'm losing weight and learning to fight for my life to protect those I love with a whole other group of people who are just as supportive and caring in that tough-love sort of way.

My boyfriend is living with me.

I graduated with my Associates and will be transferring next year to get my Bachelors. Thinking about a double major.

I still hate my job...but all of the above is priority anyway and makes my crappy days at work ten times better.
Though my anxieties are still high and I'm slower to trust than before, something has definitely clicked. I have never felt so at peace, so focused on where I am now and where I am going. I know who and what matters, and who and what doesn't matter.

Overall, it's a pretty damn good feeling knowing that I'm going to be okay.
Maybe the world is ending. I think I'm okay with that, too. : )

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:iconpuffball:
Puffball Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAYNE!! :heart: :huggle:
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:iconvisual-zombie:
visual-zombie Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011
Aw, thank you.
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:iconseh-art:
SEH-art Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2011
Thank you for the fave!
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:icondazza1008:
dazza1008 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2010
Welcome to :iconcell-mates:! Glad to have you on board. :w00t:

We're delivering major Celldweller updates to your message centre via the blog, and also we hope to organise fun competitions or games for members. :) (if you have any suggestions, please comment on the journal!)

Break the anonymity here. ;p We'd really love to get to know ya!

It would be very much appreciated if you could put the club's icon on your page somewhere ( :iconcell-mates: ) or the club's devlink in your signature ( :devcell-mates: ) to help spread the awesomeness that is Celldweller! :D

We hope you enjoy it here! :peace:

:iconklaytonplz:
:iconstickmandancingplz:
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:iconsuisou:
suisou Featured By Owner May 20, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks~.
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